2/29/20
Fucking stupid leap day. Bullshit. I’m tempted to just write “fuck off” for today’s diary log. Life is needlessly complex. I’m not the good guy, but I’m not the bad guy, either. Why do I feel so strongly?
All week Amelia has been sick with hand, foot, & mouth disease. She has off & on hives, goes from lethargy to bounding with energy, & has been just a general handful. So even with all this Marie wanted to take Amelia to an audition for modeling. Marie had crew work from 6:00am-10:30am, she came home, & helped Amelia get ready. Only, I was panicking/stressed because I wanted to get there on time. I worried & tried to take control, which only frustrated Marie & her sister, and then for the rest of the day I felt like the bad guy—when we got the oil changed; when we ate at Olive Garden; when we stayed home; because it rained; when we went out and got boba tea.
I felt lonely in their company. I didn’t want Amelia to go to the audition. I had been saying it all week. She was sick all week and I didn’t want her to go because A) I didn’t want her to infect other kids, and B) I wanted her to get better! All week & today I just felt unheard.
Like I had my daughter’s best interest in mind, but others saw it as selfishness. And my frustration stems from the fact that it was either one, the other, or both—and I have no idea which was which.
Love yourself
E.B
Ed Boy 