Preemptive

7-16-22

There is something that Marie, my wife, does that irks me, even though it’s only an issue because of me.

Basically she’ll make preemptive moves to ensure I don’t have a meltdown in a way that she thinks is inconspicuous but is a little passive. Maybe I am projecting and reading it that way. The instance I am thinking of happened today. Emerson was asleep on the floor while Marie slept in. As soon as she came out he woke up (not her fault but it’s a running joke). It was no big deal—I changed him and got him situated on my chest with the baby bjorn. He lost it.

Just hardcore crying and everything. I didn’t think it had been that long since I fed him last so I wasn’t considering that. However, I was playing while bouncing him on my chest and I think Marie got worried I would put me wanting to do better at the game over my son. But I didn’t. I stopped playing, pulled him out, and held him in my arms.

Only she came and she grabbed him saying she had already got his bottle and everything even though I know she didn’t and I don’t know. It kinda bothered me that I made the choice to do what was right while I waited for her to get ready, but she didn’t give me the chance to follow through.

Oh well. Truth be told I wrote this early enough in the day that I know what happens after these feelings. I shared how I felt with Marie and she confirmed I was right, but after reflecting I know she wasn’t upset at me. More so, she was taking steps to try and make sure my happiness wasn’t ruined. I really appreciate that from Marie, but I can also stand to practice my own patience, problem solving, and response.

Altogether it was a good day of fun, reflection, and stillness. I had strong feelings, wrote them down as a way of exploring them, and then used that as an entry into a personal discussion with my wife. All it takes to have your feelings heard is speaking up.

-E.B.