Sometimes I want to be alone. I’ve had thoughts about what I’d do if Amelia & Marie died & I was alone. But then the reality of the situation arises and I realize I’d be hollow for quite a while.
We went to a drive-in movie tonight because they have discounts on Tuesdays, & I wanted to take a Tuesday off from telling jokes to hang with my family. We went & saw Jumanji 2 (technically 3). It was not bad. It actually really helped since we have a little one with us. She could snack, talk, move around (as much as a 2012 sedan allows, at least), & she eventually just watched another movie entirely. All-in-all we had a good time there.
Only, Amelia really didn’t want to leave, so she shrieked the whole car ride home, which got Marie & I tense, & as we were parking at the apartments Marie yelled at me so I yelled at her. Just like that the hypertension that is created & maintained (like an un-popped bubble) instantly popped and now we’re not talking about it, or really acting like it’s there.
Lately I just don’t feel like Marie listens to me, but then I worry I am projecting. So, for now, I guess I’ll just cool off. The shower is running and the water falling endlessly, roaring and splashing, sound so aimless I might just get lost in it. Will I find myself? Will I find anything? Will I care?
Love you, all