Slide Off

3/4/20

Staying home sick as an adult is like eating an apple: it can be nice, but for the most part you think of it as a chore. First of all there’s the responsibility of taking care of yourself: the hydration, the nutrition, the fighting off antibodies left and right like a lone warrior fighting off an ancient horde. Or something. And second of all there’s the limitations: the coughing, the wheezing, the inescapable labyrinth of phlegm and mucus, each getting created faster than you know how to deal with.

Maybe I shouldn’t sweep these blessings under the rug. Being home sick has given me a bit of appreciation for everything else. The weather has been fantastic lately. It’s been nice in the morning, lovely and sunny in the afternoon, and so contained at night. There’s so much energy below the surface when the sun goes down you can practically hear it buzzing! It’s electrifying. The last few times I’ve gone out at night my chest feels as big and open as a barrel.

Marie will he leaving on Monday for a week-long dance festival. She’ll be in Arizona studying dance for five days. That means five days of dancing from sun-up until sun-down, five days of being away from the family, and five days of trying something new. This will be the longest time that Marie has been gone from the both of us. I am looking forward to it because I think Amelia and I will have a blast, but I’m worried that she might still be sick come Monday.

Amelia has been home sick all week with me. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but sometimes, when it gets a little quiet, my mind wanders, and I think about her death. She’s so young, and I’m terrified her illness won’t pass. I’m terrified she’ll get worse. I don’t necessarily love saying this out loud, only I reassure myself by saying the energy I release is the energy that goes to the universe—nobody wants to be held captive.

I suppose I can let my fears slide off of me for now. Amelia is getting better, and all the red bumps she has are (ever so gradually) going away. It’s just a matter of time. Time to heal, time to sleep, and time to rest. I’m gonna need a new watch!

Love to all

E.B.