I don’t know if I want to stop smoking. There is a lot of conflict. All things considered I only smoke about one whole cigarillo a day – usually a black & mild. I like the taste and the act of taking myself outside to sit for a bit is nice. But at the end of the day I grapple with a lot of shame. Amelia is getting older which means she’s got a memory. I don’t want her to know I smoke. And then I worry about my health in the long run. I’ve dug myself a grave because I’ve created a habit and now I have to fight myself to get out of it. Doesn’t mean I can’t talk about it, though.