Always Loving It

8-19-21

Dropped Amelia off at school then went to the office. However, the WiFi was still down. And, beyond that, a tech spilled some gasoline in the shop so it absolutely reeked of it in the office. Don’t get me wrong: I’m a fan of the smell of gasoline, garages, etc. but only in limited doses. As much as I wanted to sit in an office and get high off of gas fumes while literally unable to do my job I decided to just head home.

Once I got home I had a stupid meeting for an hour and a half then spent the next three-four hours catching up and keeping on time. Marie took a three hour nap and it was peaceful.

Amelia was very mad that mommy picked her up today and she got a talking to from her teacher about respect. I really appreciate having more positive role models in her life. It’ll be a good way to round out her character to get ready for the bigger world.

I personally never felt ready for the big world. It was intangible until it wasn’t and I never had the time to decide when that change would occur. Like I didn’t necessarily understand my dad until I knew I was going to be one. And then a lot of things clicked about the way he (and me to a lesser extent) expresses his feelings, wants, and needs.

Altogether I have been working on my anger and frustration but that is linked to my smoking and I feel like that is becoming a problem all on its own again. Always pulled back and forth. Always tired. Always loving it.

-E.B.

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