Falling Off

8-21-21

Been extra grumpy lately since I cut out smoking. Not tyrannical, just crotchety. Shorter patience span, more frustration in my voice, a mental feeling as if I am imploding while simultaneously disappointing and pushing everyone around me away.

I don’t love the feeling, but when the cloud passes things are a lot clearer. My brain feels a little less heavy, I feel more awake, and my attitude settles into something I very much like. I don’t feel bad about smoking in the way I did when I was younger. I don’t smoke a lot. Probably about .5g of marijuana and maybe 1/4 of a cigarillo altogether. But I don’t want to use that as an excuse to continue on/smoke more.

We’ll see how long I’m off the horse this time around. Or on it. Is the metaphor of falling off the horse a sign that you’ve fallen into good or bad? Probably not the greatest to fall anywhere, I suppose…

-E.B.