Unraveling

9-7-21

Truth be told the past few days (9/3/21 – 9/6/21) have all been back dated. I was feeling crazy burnt out form work, and that turned into a dread surrounding my personal projects. I am going to back date the days because I don’t want to lose my streak. However, I think it was well needed. There’s a self-imposed pressure when it comes to following through on projects, and I know I can be my own worst enemy. So I decided to let it go for some me time.

Sometimes I think I am unraveling. I never get sick. The last time I was sick before this was December 2019. And the time before that was May 2014. I don’t get sick often. So this really hit me hard because it followed being pushed back into the office, finding out my daughter has a dental emergency, and many other stresses. Altogether I think it was a perfect recipe for mayhem; the poisonous cocktail took a bit to digest but gee howdy did it throw me for a loop.

I am actually sitting at my desk at work typing this trying to fight off the creep of anxiety. Which sucks because I only get this way at the office. It could be the decorations or the knowledge that I’m decaying here, but I know I want something different. Only I think I have to wait a while since this job is stable and essentially making sure our family doesn’t get thrown on the street. It’s a weight I will gladly carry, but you’ve got to believe Atlas mentioned the back pain every now and then.

-E.B.

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