There’s a sense of satisfaction I get at the end of a long day of watching over my children. However, that sense of satisfaction is oftentimes located right night to just plain tiredness. And it can sometimes be difficult giving both of them room to exist.
I feel accomplished knowing I tried my hardest to make the day as good as possible for my kids. Sometimes something comes along to sour a day. It can be random, or purposeful, and one way or another it can be hard as a parent to see your kid have to struggle. More so, it is a jagged pill to swallow confronting the fact that you can also affect your child’s day. Lately I’ve been giving myself the space to be imperfect. More so, I’ve been letting any frustration I feel have it’s place without taking control. This helps me be a better parent.
If I try to stranglehold a part of myself because I’ve deemed it unacceptable, and oftentimes inappropriate, then the actions have a chance of extending to my children. I wrote about it a while ago, but I never used to think I could control myself. I used to worry so much about how much I tried to control the other small parts of my life without stopping to consider I could hold myself to unreachable expectations. Since then I have been less afraid of being myself around myself. It sound circuitous, but opening up about my true passions to myself let me cut through a lot of the cruft.
This blog is a good example. I used to hold it to such a specific standard that it sucked all the fun out of doing it. Writing a daily diary isn’t exactly the most exciting thing in the world, but it gives me a time to reflect. As I get older that time is something I value more and more.