Mind

1-25-21

Sometimes I get so tired that my brain starts working on overdrive to make sure I don’t completely melt. When I get like that I’ve noticed I either get really sensitive or very mild. What I mean (and what I’ve noticed) is that if I’m just burning that midnight oil I get really involved when I want to care. However, since my brain is running on overdrive, I usually over-correct and end up putting too much of my feeling into it.

So something will happen and I’ll want to care so I’ll react, but I’m so tired and unhinged that the response is usually bigger than required. It can be stressful because usually I’ll react to situations that are already becoming heightened. Not in a bad way but going from Amelia not shrieking to Amelia shrieking I would say is an elevating situation.

My response and solution has been to not mind so much. Note how I didn’t say not care I said not mind. In the end semantics will die with the heat death of the universe, but right now I mean it to show that I still care with my heart but don’t care so much with my soul. That’s a convoluted way to say I just sort of let it wash over me and keep walking toward the direction I want to go in.

A good way to visualize it is when you’re walking in the snow and there’s flakes falling everywhere and you just let it collect and shrug off as you continue your march, not letting the real world distract from your goal of avoiding implosion.

In the end I just need to go to bed earlier.

Love you Marie, Amelia, Alexander (kitty), mom, dad, sis
-E.B.