Every day I care a little less for my day job. I’m extremely grateful to have one, and one that can help support my family and I while letting me work from home, but sometimes it seems so superfluous. A part of my job is reviewing resumes for certain job openings and the process always makes me miserable.
Who am I to decide who’s able to find work in these times? Who am I to decide, among others, who is worthy of not having to struggle finding and making a living? It seems so hollow to me. I sometimes wish I had my old position where I was only responsible for myself. Now I have to supervise other people, but I’m only a person myself. I just want to do my work and go home – I don’t want to be beholden to someone else’s success.
Realistically I would want a career based around the art I create in my own spare time, but even then I know it takes years to get there. My work is simple and since I’m fairly well organized I generally have some time during the day to tackle my own projects, but I don’t know. I’m tired as always and having to work only to feel the weekend immediately start slipping away is an odd experience.
In the end I suppose me talking through it like this helps me find a balance and keeps it all in stride. It won’t change overnight and it’s unlikely to be perfect, but most jobs just need doing and this is a very fair job to have.
Love you mom, dad, sis, daughter, wife, kitty