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More Time

2-6-22

Parenting can be an interesting challenge sometimes. You have to constantly juggle what your priority is, and what you’re putting a majority of your focus in. When I’m with Amelia everything I do is split between the activity and keeping an eye on her. So, for example, I’ll be packing some boxes for the move but also making sure she doesn’t get into mischief.

Sometimes I feel bad because I’ll be invested in a chore/task so often times I’ll have her sit and watch “baby” (YouTube for kids) or play a game on her tablet. I make sure that everything has a time limit, but even then I sometimes feel like my responsibilities get in the way of spending time with my daughter. And even further I sometimes feel so tired that it’s hard to actively be doing something with my daughter.

It’s an uncomfortable feeling because most, if not all, of it is self inflicted. Amelia is so sweet and easy going and I know she loves being in the room with me while I clean or get organized. But sometimes I’ll get snippy/grumpy because I’ll realize I’m spending my limited moments on earth organizing and cleaning instead of with her! It’s a hard and necessary path to navigate.

All-in-all Amelia and I have a great relationship. However, since parenting is an all-time, never-stopping gig, I have to remind myself to engage with Amelia in different ways than watching her. The resolution and middle ground I come to is to have her in the room while I’m choring, to always listen and talk with her, and to forgive myself if it doesn’t go as planned.

I know Amelia loves me unconditionally and vice versa. Yet, even then, no matter how long we spend together I will always want more with her. She is my flesh and blood, my eternal love, my sweet splash of serendipity. It’ll be hard, but I will get better at forgiving myself for having to take the mature role when all I want to do is play.

I love you mom, dad, Marie, Amelia, sis, kitty
-E.B.

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