Couldn’t get my eye ointment from the pharmacy last night because they closed before I got there. Instead I got a bunch of candy for Marie and I and felt kind of bad all night. I picked it up this morning and applied it when Amelia and I got to the old apartment where I put the finishing touches on the old dinosaur.
That apartment has a lot of good memories but I’m ready to put it to bed. We’ve been moving for like a month now and I’m tired of it. I’m tired because my eye is unhappy; because I don’t know how but we’ve managed to collect a metric ton of shit; because there is a slow pain in saying goodbye to a home. It is the pain I have felt in my right knee since my birthday in September – not always present but there when I want it least.
Marie says it feels bittersweet leaving. She says it’s not the same feeling as leaving our first apartment, but she accounts that to her postpartum depression. My mom says we outgrew this place and Marie agrees. There’s a sentimentality to it, but we were both ready to move.
The night before we left our first apartment we made love on the mattress on the floor then had an extremely stressful move day. This one just sort of ended. We got Applebee’s takeout for dinner, ate on the old couch that was the last thing to go, and did the last of our chores. My eyelid is really red and I don’t like the ointment I got.
Every day things are changing but this time around it feels a little more sustainable. I don’t feel like I’m drowning, I think at this point I’m just tired of being wet.
Here’s to the old place and all it was. May it exist for others as is it did for us.