Writing down my thoughts for a daily diary post doesn’t always take that long. But sometimes I notice I’ll hesitate to start writing. I don’t think it’s anything clinical, and definitely don’t think it’s anything to worry about. However, it’s interesting to see what one word will you. My instinct is to start with “I” at the beginning of these posts to explore some of my feelings and states of being. Only I know I need to vary it up sometimes.
When I used to do this I remember being so caught up on what I would write that I would try very hard. Now I come into these posts with an objective. And that objective is ever-changing, but most of the time can be boiled down to “have a discussion.” Given the fact that I am the only one to type this means it’s not the most fluid discussion. Yet I still feel like I’m talking to someone other than myself (who is sitting waiting for the shower to heat up).
I guess what I’m trying to say is I find it very neat and reassuring to see that my posts sometimes write themselves. Obviously I’m talking about bullshit in this post to fill a word count. But who cares? This blog is a way to consistently write on a day-to-day basis, and a challenge to myself to do it for at least one full year.
At the end of the day I feel a brief flash of accomplishment knowing that I’ve stuck with a project and endeavor to keep sticking with it. This post, and the words that generate themselves, and the feeling of accomplishment, is all a cyclical loop that feeds upon itself: I urge myself to write, the words carry themselves, I finish my post and feel glad I wrote another day in a row, the elation of completion gives me the energy to repeat the cycle. The project feeds itself so I don’t get my hand bitten off.
Love you mom, dad, sister, kitty, Amelia, Mari