There is a feeling of maturity you get when you sign a lease, procure renter’s insurance, and send a very professional email to your new landlord in the span of a day. It’s not to say it’s a great or resplendent feeling, but rather like a feeling of weight. You can feel your hands on the wheel of the ship you call your body and, for once, you feel as if you have it under control.
And then the infinite and inescapable cycle of entropy begins anew and the fundamental familiarity of unknowing reinserts itself into your life. There is freedom in change, yet with it comes the power of responsibility. I could spend tomorrow playing video games instead of shampooing the carpets, but then I’d have to reap those benefits.
I don’t know if there’s much else I’ll say today. This is the second day in a row I’m getting the post out late but it’s whatever. Doing it is better than nothing. The word count will find its way out of me some how. Though I fight against consistency with every part of my actions it seems to work itself out in the end.
It’s like when you stare at the shapes in the ceiling and associate ideas with specific splotches. And sometimes you’ll take your eyes off of it to discover something new. Maybe you’ll find the old shape in the chaos again, charmed by its semi-permanence. Or maybe you’ll lose it to the void and find something to fill it’s place.
My days in this apartment are numbered but I do not feel bad about leaving. I am grateful for the change and lucky for the opportunity. I seek to make the best of it for myself and, in turn (hopefully), for others.
Love you mom, dad, sis, wife, daughter, kitty