Lonely

4-22-21

I’m lonely. So is Marie. We’ve had the privilege to be in quarantine together, but at the expense of all our other relationships. Bit-by-bit we’re building back up, but even then it’s despondent. Old friends don’t reach out to me in the way I do them, and I know it’s not always their fault. Life overtakes us. Even then, I hope they think about me like I do them. I have a family and am blessed for it, but I have life long friends that matter just as much to me.

Last night Marie and I talked about it in a holistic way and it was really nice. We’ve been stressed with our own issues and trying hard to work through them independently. It’s going as well as it can be. Still, we have to remind ourselves to take the walls down. They’re not put up to shut the other out, but rather to give us the space and time we need to reconcile with them. For example Marie has some self worth issues that she’s trying every day to get better on, and I have self love and self respect issues I’m working on.

We can use each other as a resting point, but we get in habits of taking advantage of that and, at times, neglect each other’s humanities. That’s not to say we dehumanize each other. It’s just that we can get snippy because we know there’s permanence between us. The snippiness comes from a knowledge that we can be less than perfect and the other won’t suddenly disappear.

With that, however, comes the realization that the frustration and “less-than-ideal” feelings should be balanced out. We don’t necessarily need to be happy or shining, but being cognizant about our actions and attitudes toward each other goes a long way.

-E.B.