Today was not the business. Felt the chest tightening sinking anxiety for most of the day. Was alone in the office for a few hours and I understand more now why my manager took it so hard. There is a sterile claustrophobia to it, even though our offices are fair sized. I’m not boxed in in a physical sense. More, I feel like any ideas I have are immediately thrown back into my head with such force that everything gets rattled around.
I have more desk space now, it’s usually brighter, and there are plenty of windows looking outside. There’s company. There’s bathrooms and the ability to walk around outside. There’s even some free snacks that I use as part of my breakfast. But there’s not homeliness. There’s no life beyond the workspace. And at the end of the day I don’t really want it to be too awesome there because that’s just a way they get people to work more for free.
Altogether I think I want to be happier. I think a lot of the people at the company want to be happier. A year of quarantine procedures without raises followed by our bosses gloating to themselves about how profitable we’ve been this year is insulting. My manager’s boss was in the office yesterday. He is expecting his first child soon. Usually happy and exuberant, this man was tired and beat down. I’ve never seen him so low.
This company is going to implode from depression and under appreciation if our bosses don’t get respectful. They know the high turnaround is from low worker satisfaction, and that low satisfaction comes from low pay. Pay us what we’re worth and maybe we’ll feel like giving a shit.