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Start from Nothing

9-10-21

Stayed home with Amelia today since she left school sick yesterday. From a parental perspective she is bounding with energy and back to her normal self, so I think whatever she had passed with the evening, but she has to be fever free for 24 hours and she was still warm when she went to sleep. I don’t mind watching her but it reminds me why I felt a little unhinged whenever I had to work and watch her.

Truth be told I haven’t done all that much today. I woke up at 6:00am to get the podcast out on time, and then went back to sleep until about 9:00am. Then I fucked around for hours knowing I was falling behind on work. It’s a Friday and I don’t rightfully care all that much. It’s a Friday and each day I feel less effort than the last.

There’s just nothing here for me beyond the risk of being on the streets with my family. It’s tough being the supporting post for your family because all I want is for all of us to be happy, yet I also want us to be free.

Spent part of yesterday evening playing video games. My favorite game ever (one that brought my sister and I closer) came out on consoles so I started streaming it. I don’t think I’ll ever share my handles with this blog because I like to keep those artistic passions separate. I don’t know why, but it comes from wanting to start from nothing with everything to see how the journey takes me. It could be laziness. Or maybe it’s from a point of fear – I don’t want to be annoying for advertising myself.

Only I still want to live and be happy.

-E.B.

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