Today was my second day working from home alone with Emerson. It was like any other day: not without its ups and downs. But why does the down always stick out more?
My day went well. However, working from home while taking care of an infant carries its own set of struggles. I feel I have the fortune to be able to look back on what I learned with my first child, so I am not ultimately worried about the process. I am worried about the price.
I don’t get easily frustrated with Emerson unless I am trying to sleep, and even then that’s just a by-product of my severe grogginess. I’m not actually upset at the boy. I’m upset that my brain isn’t waking up quick enough/full enough to competently handle a crying baby at three am. However, even a day wading through small patience puddles will leave at least your cuffs wet.
When I was playing games with my friend this evening it kind of boiled over during a round. I got way too competitive and then got super sore when we lost. I blamed it on him and then tried to take it back but the damage was done. I had lost my temper on a friend over a game. A game! Needless to say there was a funk for a time before it dissipated. I apologized but still felt like an ass.
In these coming few months I will need to be present with myself about good caretaking methods. I am going to push myself to rest earlier and stretch more. More so, I will need to work on letting the entire tide of the day wash over me before I complain about how wet I am.